Thirty Seconds Over Wesleyland

060203wesleyanuniversitycon1. Woke up this morning amid the green fields of Yale University, where I’d performed my one-woman show, “The Porcupine Woman” the night before, and then went out with friend & writer Dani Shapiro, and husband Michael.  Drink, as they say in Ireland, was taken.

2. Got in the car and drove to my alma mater, Wesleyan University, in Middletown, CT, where I had breakfast at O’Rourkes Diner.  Owner Brian O’Rourke comes right up to me and says,  ”I remember you. Class of 1980?” I said yup.  He asked after my friends, as if it had been last week, instead of years and years ago, when last I had pie and coffee in the middle of the night at his diner.  I had eggs over easy, bacon, home fries, Irish soda bread, and truly fine coffee.

3. Then walked in a wide circle around the campus.  Down the old brownstone buildings of college row, over to my freshman dorm, back through the Science Center, where I paused for just a moment in the big lecture hall, where Psych 101 was in progress.  I stood at the back and remembered being a student in that room, remembered hearing people such as my own innocent, young self discussed during the class on “Abnormal Psychology.”

4.  Walked into a cafe and got a latte, where the woman behind the counter also claimed to remember me from 1979.  She said the school was richer now, but it had lost its “esprit d’corps.”

5. Walked up Foss Hill and sat down just by the observatory and watched the brown leaves of autumn swirl around me. And thought:  A)  Oh how happy I was here and young;  B) Oh how sad i was here, and young; C) Oh how I wish I were 20 again; D) Oh thank god I am not twenty again;  E) How lucky I was, to go here, then, when I did, and to know the people I did; and F) How lucky I am now, to be where I am now instead, here, in this life, at this moment.

6.  Walked through the Arts Center, into the old music building, downstairs to the practice rooms, where a dozen different people played a dozen different pianos. I pulled into one of them and played an F chord, and then a B flat.  Noodled.  And remembered noodles of long ago, same piano, same room.

7.  Got back in the car, got outta there, drove up to the big cemetery and looked all around at the blustery autumn, and remembered how beloved that graveyard was by dear, departed John Moynihan, my friend who used to appear out of nowhere, wearing a pirate costume, hand you a treasure map, and just as quickly disappear.

8. And then headed north, to Maine, and my family, and the days to come.

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Today, we get this.

Passed a fellow as I walked up the hill to work a couple days ago. Out of nowhere, he said, “True! We suffer all winter. But today, we get THIS!”

True that.
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“The Mountain” trail above Belgrade Lakes, October 2009.

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How Beautiful the Ordinary

9780061154980-1 It’s publication day for HOW BEAUTIFUL THE ORDINARY, a collection of stories of identity for young adult readers. My own story, “The Missing Person” is about being trans, and how it affected my life, and that of my family, when I was young. The collection contains work by lots of good writers, including Gregory Maguire of WICKED fame. Michael Cart, the editor, is a lovely man, a YA author and editor his own self. I haven’t seen any reviews of the collection yet, but I’m hoping the book gets around; it would be beautiful, and ordinary, if these good stories got through to young people in the midst of asking themselves the age old questions: Who am I? Why is love so hard? What is this world? What is this life?

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JB in Martha Stewart Living

I wrote this piece for Martha Stewart’s Living magazine, and it appears in this month’s (October) issue. It’s about the graveyards of new england, and the “art” that appears on the headstones. If you’re having a hard time reading the text, I believe you can double-click the images, which will take you to flickr, where under the “all sizes” tab, you can select “large,” and read’em that way.  Happy Halloween!

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A week in October

mass_bay_comm_college Well, with the Red Sox collapse complete, it’s time to head out on the road for two short talks this week. I hope anyone who’s interested in hearing me tell the same old jokes will consider coming on out. I’ll be doing a mix of new and old material at these two events, reading from my work and talking about civil rights for trans people– and everybody.

Richmond_Virginia-751407First one’s at Mass Bay Community College, tomorrow (Tuesday), from 11-12. Mass Bay’s in Wellesley Hills, Mass. The second one, on Thursday night, is in Richmond, VA, from 7 to 8, for the Richmond Human Resources Council. I’m not certain that the VA one is open to the public, so if you’re interested in this one, email me and I’ll see if I can make provisions for you with my sponsors.

IMG_0198Then home for dinner with Colby trustees, and dinner with friends on Saturday featuring a lord-of-the-rings trivia game. Plus, on Wed. night, during the 5 minutes I’m back between Mass. and Va., I’ll be in the audience watching my older son strut around the stage at his school for opening night of his play. Another action packed week.

Fall is peaking up here, the skies blue, the trees orange and yellow and red.  (Photo above is of Long Pond, just in front of the summer place, now pretty much sealed up unitl spring.) I spent part of the weekend splitting wood, and the smell of wood smoke is heavy in the air. Took out the screens from the windows. Walked the dogs up a mountain and looked down on all the colors of the world.

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If I had a Hammer: on Peter, Paul, and Jenny

B72369I know this is last month’s news, but it’s funny to me how moved I was to hear of the death of Mary Travers. I gotta be honest and tell you I hadn’t hauled out any Peter, Paul & Mary records for, oh, about a jillion years. Probably the last time they were on my radar was when my kids were little and we sang Puff the Magic Dragon.

But there I was in the days after the news, cruising the old clips on Youtube, and finding myself terribly moved. Probably just that old passage of time thing, I guess. But look: there I am in 1965, at my aunt’s house in Potter county, Pennsylvania, and there’s my cousin Dave, about to get drafted, arguing with his dad about serving in Vietnam (he eventually got C.O. status); there’s my cousin Peg playing the guitar and singing, with her long hair hanging down. A few years later I was given that guitar, a Stella. And she also gave me a bunch of P,P, & M 45 singles: Blowin in the Wind; Puff; The Lily of the West, and so on. Years later, that first P, P & M record was the first record I ever bought. I remember it had Lemon Tree on it, and This Train is Bound for Glory. There was something on the liner notes of the record (remember “liner notes?”) about how “maybe innocence is coming back!”

What can I tell you– among the many things I knew back then was that I wanted to be someone like this Mary some day, as idiotic a dream as that seemed. I know 1000s of women, of course, many of them trans, but I am the only person I know who, from the earliest age, dreamed of being a beatnik. When I went through transition, I really did have to pass through the “60s hippie” stage of my fashion and deportment, followed by the “70s hippie” stage, followed by..etc. I think scientists call this process “Ontogeny recapitulating phylogeny.”

In 1987, I drove from Baltimore to Nova Scotia with a heavy heart, trying, as I used to put it, to “solve the ‘being alive’ problem.” I had a crappy old version of the Warlocks singing “In the Early Morning Rain” on the tape deck, which I listened to, all haunted. “I’m a long way from home, and I miss my loved one so. In the early morning rain, with no place to go…”

Anyhow: here we are, 2009. I’m the one who plays coal mining songs, and protest tunes, on my Oscar Schmidt autoharp now, and I’ve got that long straight hair, right out of 1965. You see this video of young Mary Travers? I look like that now, except, you know, deformed and old. But you could do worse, than to want to spend your life singing songs, and fighting injustice.

Remind me again: What’s so funny about peace, love and understanding?

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Colby podcast: JB & “The Porcupine Woman”

imagesHere’s the colby podcast for this week, which interviews Herself about 21 years at Colby College, about the one-woman show, “The Porcupine Woman,” and about all things There from Here. Click on this lovely link to find yourself magically transported to the podcast.

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In Nonsense is Strength…

from today’s New York Times:

How Nonsense Sharpens the Intellect

By BENEDICT CAREY

In addition to assorted bad breaks and pleasant surprises, opportunities and insults, life serves up the occasional pink unicorn. The three-dollar bill; the nun with a beard; the sentence, to borrow from the Lewis Carroll poem, that gyres and gimbles in the wabe.

06mind-190An experience, in short, that violates all logic and expectation. The philosopher Soren Kierkegaard wrote that such anomalies produced a profound “sensation of the absurd,” and he wasn’t the only one who took them seriously. Freud, in an essay called “The Uncanny,” traced the sensation to a fear of death, of castration or of “something that ought to have remained hidden but has come to light.”

At best, the feeling is disorienting. At worst, it’s creepy.

Now a study suggests that, paradoxically, this same sensation may prime the brain to sense patterns it would otherwise miss — in mathematical equations, in language, in the world at large.

Click here to read the full article.

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Star of the Day: 10/25/69

Grateful-Dead The dark star of the day comes from this concert at Winterland, performed just a few days shy of forty years ago.  A nice, meditative, somber-at-times version, that gives way to a particularly joyful development about halfway through. To partake of these licks,  you’ll want to hit the play button on the player below, and if you don’t hear anything, hit the “forward” button once.

A pleasant piece with which to stare into the fires of early autumn, as I am doing at this moment in Maine, a cup of warm cider in hand, dogs on the floor, and the future all ahead of me with all its mind-numbing mystery.

and with thanks to the band, and to the folks who run archive.org, for the gift of the music.

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The Country of the Two Headed Woman

© 2009 Jennifer Finney Boylan

The weather in Maine for the last two weeks has been a little schizophrenic, gorgeous autumn sunshine alternating with grey, cold days that prefigure the darkness ahead.   Still, there are times when that’s just the way we like it—too much beautiful weather tends to make people a little full of themselves, a little too blissful, and the next thing you know you have a whole state full of people acting like Californians.

Speaking of schizophrenia, I guess it’s fair to say we’re all a little worried about Mrs. Vespucci, who lives down on Maine Street by what’s left of the Venetian pulp mill. Until about twenty years ago– I think it was about the time of the Clarence Thomas hearings on TV– Mrs. V. was known for her florid complexion, a color you might call purple.

It was 1991 or 2, though, when the second head appeared.  It looked just like her other one, except for the fact that it was blue.  Her original head,  for its part, turned bright red.

To be honest we were all kind of freaked out the first couple of times we laid eyes on it, but then after a while we realized that we’d seen worse things over the course of our long lives, and this was just one more.

The thing is, though, it’s not the fact that Mrs. Vespucci has two heads, one red, one blue, that worries her friends.  It’s the fact that the heads don’t get along, and in fact, for the last year or so, they won’t even speak to each other.

For a while—this was back when Ross Perot was running, a third head—a tiny green one– started sprouting, and from time to time you could hear its annoying little voice saying things like, “Here’s the deal, see,” but then the green head fell off and we haven’t seen it again, except for four years ago, briefly, when Ralph Nader came through town.

The blue head, if you ask it, says that there wouldn’t even be a red head, if not for that occasional green one, but to me this is just the kind of doom and gloom we’ve come to expect from the blue head.  The red head, on the other hand,  says that the blue head is a socialist, and that if the blue head got its way,  the red head would be hauled in front of a “death squad” and forced to speak French.  Sometimes the red head head claims the blue one wasn’t even born here.

In our town we tend to respect people’s privacy, but quite honestly, we all liked it better when the two heads talked to each other, when they treated each other with respect.  I didn’t even mind it when the heads fought with each other, going at it tooth and nail.  But now that they’re giving each other the silent treatment, or worse, one head shouting “you lie!”  when the other one is talking—it’s depressing.  I liked it better when Mrs. Vespucci had talking heads.

I liked it better still when she just had one head, back when the woman got along with herself.  Maybe I’m old fashioned.  But if you ask me, two heads are worse than one.

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  • 6821_527776843965_15401715_31443975_8145127_n

    Jenny Boylan's eleventh book, FALCON QUINN AND THE BLACK MIRROR, will be published by HarperCollins in May 2010.

  • JENNIFER FINNEY BOYLAN is the author of ten books, including She's Not There: a Life in Two Genders, and I'm Looking Through You: Growing Up Haunted, both published by Random House. A novelist, memoirist, and short story writer, she is also a nationally known advocate for civil rights. Jenny has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show, Live with Larry King, the Today Show, the Barbara Walters Special, NPR's Marketplace and Talk of the Nation; she has also been the subject of a documentary on CBS News' 48 Hours. She is a regular contributor to the op/ed page of the New York Times, and Conde Nast Traveler magazine.

    Check out the Twitter feed at JennyBoylan; or join Jennifer Finney Boylan on facebook.

  • Blog Archive

  • The Boylan Family, fall 2007

    IMG_0181 "You hang around our family, you learn all kinds of stuff."
  • Will Forte as Jennifer Finney Boylan on “Saturday Night Live”

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  • Jenny with Barbara Walters, December, 2008

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  • Jenny atop Maine’s Mount Katahdin

    2036947979_34bfbec240 August, 2002.
  • Surrounded

    boylanWith President Clinton and Maine's Governor John Baldacci, fall 2006.
  • JFB and Edward Albee

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    Edward had been my teacher at Johns Hopkins in the winter of 1986. He visited Colby in fall, 2007. As we took our leave of each other, he kissed me on both cheeks and said, "We have done well. You and I."

  • Jenny and her teacher, the great John Barth

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    Jack was my professor at JHU when I did my thesis, back in the day. After many years, I can now confidently say I finally understand his definition of plot. Which is, of course, "the perturbation of an unstable homeostatic system and its catastrophic restoration to a new and complexified equilibrium."